WARNING: THIS COULD TAKE A WHILE!!!!

And the journey officially begins today...After a LONG decision making process, we have decided to bite the bullet, take the plunge, go full-throttle...I took the first dose of medicine today to inadvertently begin fertility treatments. I decided yesterday after talking to a friend that is currently going through F.T. that I should write everything down because I will never remember all the details. So,today is only the beginning of what could be a long journey.

Wed. Feb 2, 2008: I finally started-thank goodness-I was anxious to start b/c the doctor has always said it was good that Provera always worked for me and since I hadn't taken it in so long, I was worried that a new "kink" would be added to the mix. This marked Day 1 in the whole cycle-called Dr. Douglas and they said they wanted me to see me on Friday for a sonogram.
Friday Feb. 5th: Went in for my sono today! Steve was still the sonographer and when I got in the room he said, "Man, long time no see!" He is really nice and super informative. He showed me my ovaries full of little follicles and said that there were no cysts which is good. The uterus is good and lining is normal. Whew-first step done!
If you look at the sono picture to the left there, you will see an ovary outlined in blue. The black circles are follicles that contain eggs inside. The polycystic ovary has all these follicles but for a variety of reasons they never mature to then be released. This is not my ovary but it is what it looked like today.
I then had a consult with Dr. Douglas and he went into the whole reproductive tract 101 for me and said we were going to try a newer drug, Letrozole (pill) and combine that with Repronex (shots) that I took several years ago. He is hoping that he can stimulate only a few of the follicles in the ovaries and do an insemination (IUI). If a lot of follicles grow big though we will be able to convert the cycle to InVitro (IVF) so we won't waste any time or money or medications. I'm good with that plan. I will start the shots and meds tonight. The best part of my visit is that I don't have to come back until Thursday of next week and then Saturday and Sunday. This couldn't have worked out better with my work schedule that I have been really worried about when trying to decide when to start treatments. God is completely in control of all of this and easing my anxiety each step of the way.

I remember a friend of mine who had to do IVF 3 times told me that on her 3rd time they were really consistent with taking the shots at the same time every night. So that's my plan...9 pm...I have set my cell phone alarm and plan to be home or take my meds with me if we are going to be out.
The insurance is such a pain. I had to pick up my meds at a specialty pharmacy...this is no CVS or Walgreens let me tell ya...I was there over 3 hours this afternoon trying to get my meds-the insurance wouldn't go thru or something-I got tired of understanding or asking questions after the first hour.
So much for being home at 9 tonight! We had A BLAST with Haley and Ben. These are my 2 favorite kids that aren't related to me. Their parents, Mike and Jennifer, were my Bible study leaders in high school and are awesome. I love the whole family-I remember the day both of the kids were born and love that they love Brad too-actually they love him more than me but that's ok. They are the coolest kids!! They got a Wii for Christmas and they have been wanting us to come over and play...we had a BLAST like I said. I am terrible of course but it was a fun way to burn some extra cals. We put in the boxing game and I was literally sweating-so fun! Tennis, bowling, and Tiger Woods golf are our favs. So, at 9 pm I took my shot at their house in my stomach...no biggie...did great! This may seem funny to those of you that know me well. I am the girl who has basically fainted at the eye doctor and am the BIGGEST wimp when it comes to needles and bloodwork. For some reason though, this doesn't bother me and the idea of Brad giving me the shots in the stomach freaks me out. I think it's a control thing-I like being in charge of the situation-medically speaking-it doesn't make me feel faintish.

Sunday Feb 7th: Today I was in the nursery helping and I was talking to my friend, Lindsey. This is what she said to me..."I had a dream about you and I was so mad at you!" Really? Why: "I had a dream that you were pregnant with twins and that you somehow already found out that they were a boy and a girl! I was really excited for you but then mad b/c you didn't even tell me that you were doing your InVitro stuff and so I didn't even get to pray about it!" If my jaw didn't physically fall to the floor, it sure felt like it did! I just laughed and honestly I don't remember what I said to respond other that she didn't need to worry b/c I wasn't pregnant, but she should always keep my disfunctional ovaries in her prayers because they always need it!! I tried to just laugh it off! However, Lindsey, I hope you have some unique ability to predict the future and if it does come true, please don't be mad for not telling you ahead of time. I will tell you personally when we are pregnant though :)


Thursday-VALENTINES DAY-2008 This was moment of truth day! What a ROLLER COASTER ride it was today. So, I went in for the sonogram. I knew the meds were working b/c my stomach is huge and bloated - it is funny looking b/c I also have these red whelps that are swollen and itchy from the shots. I am quite a site. Back to the sonogram, Brad met me there and one of the first things Steve said when he saw my first ovary was, "Well, have your jeans been feeling a little tight?" I thought it was funny b/c it was true. We could immediately see all the follicles were A LOT bigger-and I do mean ALL the follicles. Not just one or two like we were planning but 14 on the right and 11 on the left!!!! Yep, that's right, 25 follicles. So....that means IVF. WHOA...we kind of started the freak out phase here...
If you look at the photo on the left and compare it to the first one you can see that the black circles (follicles) are much bigger. They measure each of these and when they are the right size we proceed to the next step.
We met with the insurance coordinator and poor Brad was on the phone with the insurance company all afternoon trying to get written verification that we had IVF coverage. Meanwhile, I am filling out all the paperwork that I have to take to the hospital A.R.T.S. department as soon as possible b/c egg retrieval will be the beginning of next week. We didn't even have time to go to the the IVF orientation...We rushed out of the doctor's office and sat in my car signing all of the paperwork. The problem came when we had to have a witness (a friend or family member) sign that paperwork, too. The kicker is that we haven't told anyone about all of this - except my work b/c I have to get my patients rescheduled. So, I rushed to work, had my boss sign it and then took it to the hospital before 4:30 that afternoon. My meds changed today also-I had to take more of the Repronex and then Ganirelix to make sure I don't ovulate on my own or too early. We will check everything on Saturday. In my stress of the day...I went and got an emergency haircut-hahaha...don't ask me why, granted, I REALLY needed it but it was more about just doing something totally un-fertility-related! It was great. Our hot romantic date was at my sisters house with all the family. We had a little "Breakfast Party"-the kids think it is so fun to have pancakes for dinner. FYI-don't add food coloring to pancake batter-it makes them weird and spongy?? By the time we got home, we just passed out on the bed and talked about how nutty our day had been.

Friday 2/15: I had the day off today! Thank goodness!! I actually went to the Acupuncturist. I won't give too many details-only that the reason I went is b/c it is shown to improve your odds of IVF success. I am willing to try anything-I mean-I am already giving myself shots in the stomach...why not try some relaxing needles too??
We went over to Ben and Haley's again tonight. We met the whole family at LunaDeNoche and then went to their house to play the Wii again. Such a good distraction. And I love that family! We are going to make this a regular Friday night party!

Saturday 2/16: Went in for another sonogram today and we did bloodwork too. We had the "weekend staff" - nice but not the same. The sonographer wasn't NEARLY as informative-she didn't tell us much. The results were that the stimulation of the ovaries had slowed down a little bit and they want me to do the meds for a few more days so the follicles can keep growing and maturing.
We went to Bart's for dinner tonight. It was a lot of fun-Laura and Todd and Jana all came. Bart made a delicious meal and then we played Catch Phrase! The girls beat the boys 3-1! Sweeeet! I had to be super incognito in Bart's 650 square foot apartment at 9 pm when I had to do my shot. I broke away when it was time for dessert and felt like I was in the bathroom forever but Brad said it wasn't too long. My stomach is getting even bigger so I know the follicles are still growing. As soon as I got in the car, I had to unbutton and UNZIP my jeans-I was dying. It will be fine when there is a baby (or babies) in there and I can wear appropriate clothing but right now it is just crazy bloatedness!

Sunday 2/17 - Went to another friend's house for dinner tonight! Thanks Jodie for a YUMMY dinner-it's at our house next time. Again, had to sneak off into her bathroom and shoot up-I am really beginning to feel like a druggie-the funny part is stashing all the trash back into my purse afterwards and walking back out like nothing happened. All of our fertility issues came up at dinner tonight and I had a hard time explaining it and keeping a straight face. It is so hard to lie.

Monday 2/18 8:00am: Another sono and bloodwork-lots of big follicles measuring 19 or so. That's good! They said there were about 10 and they like to have between 8-12. (I like average!) I needed to take one more dose of Repronex right then and then do the HcG shot tonight and then retrieval will be WEDNESDAY morning! They said they would call me later for the exact time to take my shot b/c it is supposed to be 36 hours before retrieval. Wednesday is a problem...keep reading...
I met my mom and sisters at the gym this morning. Laura noticed that I wasn't working out very hard. She said, "Tia, you are moving kind of slow this morning. Are you ok?" I said that I was and that I didn't eat breakfast so I just didn't have too much energy. She seemed to buy it. I hate the lying-but they won't mind when it's all done.
Mom and I went and spent the afternoon with Jacob and Luke. It was so fun for us-although I don't know that J and L really loved us-they just looked at us funny and cried. They did love their walk we took them on and mom and I LOVED their BOB jogger stroller. I am DEFINITELY getting one when we have kids - it is so light and easy to turn-contrary to Laura's jogger. It is awesome-as soon as I started pushing it, I said, "Mom, check this out-It is fabulous!" That is all we could talk about!
While on our walk, the doctor's office called and said that I needed to take my HcG shot (to prepare to release the eggs of which I don't really release-the dr takes them out right before they do) at 8:15 tonight and we needed to be at the hospital WEDNESDAY MORNING at 7:15 am!!! I just started sweating and tried to act like nothing was going on with my mom standing right there.
OK, so you remember reading that WEDNESDAY was a problem, right? Well, I had been really worried about taking off work and stuff for appts but we were always thankful that Brad's job was super flexible and we wouldn't have to worry about him missing work. WELL, they have their first and MANDATORY training starting on WEDNESDAY morning. Seriously, of all the days. This is complicated b/c 1. Brad has to go to the retrieval to at least make his contribution and 2. I will be put under and will not be allowed to drive home. 3. We haven't told anyone we are doing this so what is our backup plan???
It all works out...we decided to tell both our parents so my mom or someone could bring me home and stuff Wednesday.
We decided since Mom and I were already together, it would be VERY normal for us to go eat dinner together tonight. Then we would go over to Brad's parents house and tell them together. Good plan right??? Why do we try?? This I think is funny:
So, Laura calls on our way home. "What are you doing for dinner?" "Oh, nothing, we just called Dad and Brad and we are going to meet them for dinner at PeiWei. But not until about 6:30 b/c Brad has to see a client at 6." "Oh, well, humm, that's pretty late-I don't know if the kids could wait that long, Todd's out of town, they go down at 7, humm, well, no I don't think I will and besides we had PeiWei last night after church. We will eat sandwiches here. But y'all come over before you go eat and play a while." Ok, we'll do that. Meanwhile I am sweating thru this conversation but then think ok, no biggie, she isn't going to go with us b/c we are eating so late. Keep in mind, I REALLY wanted to eat with Laura and the kids-I ALWAYS do-but I just knew we needed to talk to mom and dad. Well, we got over there and Laura said, "Oh, forget it, we will just go eat with y'all. They eat so good at PeiWei and I will just get something different than last night. But let's run to Marshalls on our way to get them out of the house." Ok, so we load up and go to Marshalls. Luckily, Reid wanted RayRay (my mom) to ride in her car so that gave me a second to call Brad and just give him a heads up that they were coming, too. We had a great meal at PeiWei and it was of course nuts with the boys playing the drums with chopsticks and Reid actually eating with hers. At one point I leaned over to Brad jokingly and said, "Can we still cancel this cycle?" He just laughed. We love the chaos of all of our nieces and nephews.
Well, now dinner is over and everyone is loading up. I told dad, don't leave, Brad and I need to talk to you. He said ok, so I waited til Laura pulled out - although I think she saw me - and drove over to their car. And so we told them everything and they were really excited and relieved b/c they were thinking that I might not ever come around on the idea. It was very nice to be able to share everything with them and comforting to know that Mom would be with me on Wednesday morning and afternoon. I am really nervous about that anesthesia part.
We then went home, took my shot, and went to Brad's parents house. They didn't answer the door so we thought they might be on a walk. We unlocked the door and finally here comes his dad from the bedroom. They were in there watching Deal or No Deal and didn't hear the doorbell. So we sat down on their bed and spilled the news to them and they too were very excited and happy and relieved!! It was a fun night and we told our parents that we were trying to just wait until we could tell them at the end of the journey but now we just have some extra prayers going up.

Wednesday Feb 20th! RETRIEVAL DAY!! I didn't get much sleep last night. Way too nervous. I just woke up in a panic and then couldn't fall back to sleep. We were at the hospital at 7 this morning and they took us back and got started on all the paperwork. Basically, they use a needle guided by an ultrasound to aspirate the eggs from the ovaries. I was SO so nervous. The hour leading up to the IV was the worst but after I got that, I was completely fine. No problems. Those of you that know me well, know that I am quite squeamish. Brad said a prayer before I went back and he said the whole thing took like 20 minutes. WOW. I knew nothing. The anesthesiologist came in, administered antibiotics and Demerol first. Then they pushed me down to the OR and the embryologist came in and asked me to state my name and social. I remember thinking-Oh, no, I hope I can do that with this medicine in me b/c I could already tell my vision was fuzzy. Then I crawled onto another bed and had to put my rear in the depression of the bed-I don't know-I was expecting stirrups? Then, the next thing I knew, I was waking up and Brad was rubbing my head asking if I was ok. I remember a little cramping and wanting a pillow for my knees and that's it. They then called Brad back...umm...no details needed here...and then he left and went to his training-about an hour late. (His poor brother and coworker asked if everything was ok b/c they were getting worried about him but he just sort of ignored them and didn't answer. I'm telling you this lying part is hard.)
Anyways, the retrieval was easy. NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS I WAS ANTICIPATING. Mom took me home and I slept a while and we ate lunch and watched some TV and then I was sleepy again and I went to take another nap and Mom went home. They retrieved 7 eggs and said they would call us tomorrow to give us an update.

Thursday, Feb 22st UPDATE #1: Well, the embryologist called this morning around 9:45. I had left my phone with our girls up front in case they called while I was with a patient. Janie came on the headsets that we wear and said, "Mere, your phone is ringing-come get it!!!" Everyone was on crazy alert. The embryologist, Oscar, said: "You have 6 fertilized embryos. The other one didn't fertilize but we will watch it and see if it does later. We will call you tomorrow with an update on the quality. Do you have any questions?" I said no and hung up. I text Brad and let him know since he was in training. He later told me that he had his phone sitting out right between him and his brother and all I said was "We have SIX embryos"! He grabbed his phone to prevent Chad from seeing it and just replied, "WOW!" (This is the first little glimpse of Brad getting excited. He is extremely cautious about getting emotionally excited-he doesn't want me to get my hopes up and then be really sad and disappointed if it doesn't work. But for a split second, he was excited!!)

Friday, Feb 23nd: I waited ALL day for the lab to call!! I thought they would call in the morning but it wasn't until almost 3 pm. I have to learn to be patient, huh? Well, they left me a message that said, "You have 3 excellent, 2 good, and 1 average embryo. This means you will do a day 5 transfer on Monday. We will call you tomorrow with another update." GREAT!! We were happy about the quality for sure...We decided to celebrate with dinner at Maggianos! It was SO DELICIOUS-I really wanted to go there for the fried zucchini and their Spinach Chicken Manicotti. Oh my, so good! Oh, tonight marks the beginning of the PROGESTERONE shots that Brad has to give me in my booty! YIKES. He did great though. We have a great system down, I ice it down with a big ice pack, he gives me the shot, ice some more with pressure, then put heat on it for a little while, and then I get ice cream. Another surprise through this whole thing-it really wasn't that bad. I have been DREADING this part but it is totally managable. Here is something to laugh about today...I didn't know Brad was going to take this and was appalled at first but then I thought it was really funny since it doesn't really show anything but ice on my hip/booty.

Saturday, Feb 23rd: The lab called this morning and said, "You have one excellent, 3 good, 2 average, and 1 very poor embryo. We will not call tomorrow, but we will look again on Monday morning before your transfer and see what you have. Do you have any questions?" This always makes me laugh b/c they are so over my head that I can't even think about what to ask. I can't change what they tell me so what do I need to ask? Meanwhile, I have started to get a really runny nose today and keep sneezing. I haven't been taking my allergy meds thru all this so I am afraid I am in for it! I laid on the couch all day blowing my nose.

Monday, Feb 25th: TODAY IS THE DAY!!! We had to be at the hospital at 11:30 today. Brad came home, picked me up, and then we went to the hospital. The embryologist came in and gave us a picture of our 2 embryos that were now in the blastocyst stage. If you can get to day 5 then that is good b/c those embryos tend to be the strongest, you can implant fewer, and the implantation rate tends to be higher. There is also cell differentiation at this stage. The outer layer cells will become the placenta, the tightly clustered cells on the lower left part of each are the cells that will become the baby, and the other middle cells will become the sac. FASCINATING! They grade each layer and he said a bunch of B's and C's. I must have given him a terrible look b/c he quickly said, "These are good grades, nobody gets A's." Meanwhile I am thinking, Well, my children are expected to make A's on their report cards!!! :) He said they get pregnancies all the time with embryos like this so that's good. They said we had a 25-30% chance of both implanting. Ok, great. Dr. Douglas then came in, lifted the picture, and literally said, "These look decent. We have a decent shot!" WHAT???? At first I got a little annoyed, then I realized, you know what, he is right and he can't act like they are any better and give ANY kind of false hope. Brad said another prayer over our embryos and then he got "dressed". We had so much fun today. We were both hyper and laughed a lot. He did his Sing Song moves in his hospital wear.
The actual transfer was a breeze. It was under the tightest of securities in there. It took less then 5 minutes. Much like an annual exam with your Gyn. I then had to lay basically upside down for an hour. I listened to my iPod and Brad read his Money book. We then went home and I laid on the couch. I am officially sick with a terrible cold and pray that it doesn't effect our implantation. Now I start the wait. I get a blood test in about 10 days...Wednesday, March 5th. Waiting .... Waiting...

Monday, March 3rd: I cheated. I took a pregnancy test.
I just couldn't stand it. I just wanted to know-just to have a slight clue, a heads up, a warning in case it was negative.
Here is what it looked like...Blood test will be Wednesday...

Tuesday, March 4th: Just a side note, I have gone to bed at 8:30 the last two nights and today at work I ate a hotdog at 10:30 in the morning?!?! I am going to be a WEIRD eater if this all works out. I am starving all the time and really tired...good signs...

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5th!!! I went in at 8:15 for bloodwork this morning. They check the beta HcG. It has to be at a 25 to be positive. Julie, my nurse said, "I will call you later and let you know. You will need to come in on Friday to recheck bloodwork if it is positive." Great...my only question was "Approximately what time do you usually get the results?" I mean, come on, I needed some kind of reference...IT WAS MY LUCKY DAY LITERALLY!!! She said, "Oh, this is our half day so they get the results back quickly and I should call you around noon before we close!" WHAT!! Yippee-I was thinking 3 or 4ish! Great! Then when I was checking out, I saw her walk by and panicked..."Julie, is there a CHANCE that they ever get caught up in the lab and I WON'T hear today?" She just laughed and PROMISED to call me and said she wouldn't leave me hanging. Whew...I then went to Sonic b/c I wanted Mozzarella Sticks with Marinara and Ranch at 8:15 in the morning? What? Then I got my teeth cleaned at work-had a hard time with that actually-gagged a lot-and I am not a gagger...
12:15pm-RING RING..."Hello!" "Meredith, this is Julie and I have your bloodwork results in from this morning...CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!" YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't really know what I said or did after that. But she said that remember my level had to be at 25 and mine was 410 and that was EXCELLENT! Come in on Friday morning for bloodwork and we will make sure it doubles and then if it does then you can stop your shots and we will switch them to pill form! GREAT! (Although, I think it is better to stay on shots longer so I am going to research that first)
I celebrated by eating some icecream - not so much - couldn't finish it - yuck. I should have tried that a few days ago-that would have certainly confirmed a pregnancy. I feel fine-just tired and some foods certainly sound better than others!
I cooked steaks tonight to celebrate and bought Brad a BabyName book b/c he always says, "I don't know, I need a book!" when we talk about different names from friends kids or whatever. Although he is excited he is VERY CAUTIOUS and reserved - he is just very worried about me and the possibilities of a miscarriage. While I understand that it is a very real possibility, I am still going to celebrate each and every step of the way! He can worry for the both of us! :)

FRIDAY, FEB 28th: Another bloodtest today. They want to make sure that the results double. My level was 1068! GREAT! I have still been feeling good-a little carsick feeling but mainly just tired and hungry. I took two naps today-naps are my new best friend. I don't have to go back to the doctor for 3 weeks!!! My next visit it on March 28th for the first fetal sonogram and we will find out how many we are having! I was hoping to have my first sono before Easter so we could tell our siblings, but we will just have to wait!